Hi there....
Somehow blogging has taken a toss....just got into the routine rut of things....i.e. Home-office-home...
Have been trying to write since so many dayz...but just was unable to put all thoughts on my mind into proper words...and that's where I realised, something was amiss, somewhere...Not that, now it's all fine...forget things coming back to normal, I still dunno what's wrong and where...This blog is becoming too much of irritation vending machine but I guess irritating on blogs is better than irritating dear friends....I dunno, somehow I feel that everything in life is just not happening right...Why do we feel that? I was just wondering...when I am on my death bed and I get that horrible feeling of having not lived my desired life...can't imagine my reaction to that thought.
My cute little sis is having the hell of a time just at the start of her education...she was not able to decide clearly as to wht or which stream is she interested in after her tenth...and I kind of gave her my suggestion and she has readily or grudgingly (can't figure out what exactly) has accepted to tht....and we have put in quite a potful of money to these monsters called 'coaching classes'...I don't actually regret paying them, neither will I regret if she isn't able to clear the exam but my only concern being......she must not get too depressed..she is finding everything very tough as she joined after the batch had already commenced...but I am sure as time passes she will rock the class...:-)She is getting the nerves seeing other students perform much much better than her....because she was too used to scoring the top position as far she can remember.....Its her first taste to this mad competition and the rat race on this earth....Hope god helps her throughout....Am feeling damn nervous for her :(Topmost worry at this point is my sister's education...hope she does not feel suffocated and hope her teacher's dont see her as a duh!!! I hope my decision fr her works.....otherwise I would not be able to forgive myself....I am ready to do anything for her success/happiness.....
Some people are so mean....my poor sister is facing difficulties...but non o to help her much, am just too angry with such people...and she is too naive and innocent to handle such people...God give her the reqisite lessons and the courage to deal with all this!!!Met up an old friend on friday evening....it was good meeting her after a long time....(though we almost chat daily over the phone...)...we talked about just nothing and almost everything....just giving a window to our stupid emotions....
Nothing is just going fine in life....at home...at office just nothing...n times I have decided to take up some course...but i just dont have the confidence that I will complete it and don't want to waste money just for the heck of it....lost out on my newspaper reading habit,,,(as if I ever had!!!)....feeling that I can never survive in this competition....me progress is gonna be the worst than I could have ever imagined....A few months back I though I will try and live life, fulfill my small small dreams if not the bigger ones, but I think I am not just made for it..there's no passion within me...Is it my problem or is the way I am conditioned all these years....Like for a small example but it hurts a lot andn all these 25 years, have never been on a vacation with my entire family...never!!!!I thought...forget all this people, I will go alone...But that too never happened....and my life is just full of all such small but so very significant things....
Another irritant is the match-making that my parents are upto these days....these arranged marriages are real risky ventures...but I think I never gave myself an option....Can't think of accepting a stranger...I think another difficult situation that I will face...hope it's not too near in the future though :)
And lately, I am fearing the untimely but sure to haaour lives...death....God knows what's wrong with me...Keep thinking nonsensical stuff like...what wud happen if this person/that person was to meet with it? And it does make me mad and hysterical with thoughts....Lately I have also realized that I have become too money-minded...god knows what has made me like this??? Is it my friend circle and the competition....Really don't know...I never thought I would be like this.....
Start of another week from tomorrow and as usual I am thinking how it will turn out for me...and m not getting any positive feelings....When will I learn to turn +ve in life....Ciao...Sorry again for so many grumblings...but swear could not help it......
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