Mind Mess!!!!

Hi...

Week has been horrible........I tried so hard to not form any opinions and judgements about smthng on my mind ...I really tried to remain +ve but it's just not working right...I was trying hard to be focussed and determined but ...Dunno...I hope things work out rite ....My fears of nervousness and tension of last week just came out true:-(....m not regretting ne of my decisions nd not even cursing my luck but at the end of it.. fact is whenever i try hard to njoi life....circumstances turnaround....

nd 2 top it all..there r very few ppl whom i can speak to with an open mind nd none of them r around this time...mind is stifled with all thoughts....just hoping things go alrite in the few days....

I had promised myself minimum of 1 book in a fortnight...tht too isn't happening bcoz in d nite i keep brooding over d next day or the day passed by....trying to start reading....Ek book uthayi to hai...when it get's over will post tht :-)....Newspaper reading has gone 4 a toss....i sit in d train, (if i 'm lucky 2 get a seat!!!)...just readng the headlines and i doze off....nd if i m standing...then no scope tht i will try nd even open d fold of the paper.....i m very ngry on myself abt tht...tht i will surely improve on...

I actually feel :-( tht i started taking charge of my life so very late...looking at few ppl...i feel i also had the potential but din't utilise it...but good i atleast realized it...Better late than never...feel i wasted a good no. of years...but then the damage is done...I dunno wht was d problem-- was it d controlled upbringing tht we had or was it my all time life-low confidence was at work or wht??? Hv cm cross pl who hv been very good inspirations, but d prblem wid me is tht d inspiration has remained in the heart, never rchd d mind -- which is necessary to put everthng i want to put into practice....

neways, enuf of feelng low.... goin 2 c Tare Zameen Par...movie has got good reviews..hope i like it 2...only thing is my alrdy trbled mind shud not get more trbld...i knw it will not happen....

Wantd 2 spk 2 my closest pal..but she's not in town since 3 weeks nd isnt even reachable..dunno when's she returning...I know her since long - long years now, but i still know tht i wud not hv been able 2 put my thoughts in words 2 her.....but it's alrite, my silence makes sense to her, i guess...nobody to listen 2 my silence hence just put it all here....

"Mann ka ho to acha, Mann ka na ho to aur bhi acha"- Harishvanshrai Bachchan...loosely translated to English...(thought the effect fizzles out)..."If things happen as u wish them to - good; if things happend against ur wishes- still better....." Hope it woks 4 me !!!!

ciao!!!!